A Very Ottessa Christmas
What to Give Your Least Favorite Family Members
“Do books even make good Christmas presents? The answer is no” - Kaitlin Phillips
Gift-guide Guru Kaitlin Phillips is correct.
When someone gives me a book as a gift for any occasion, it's proof that this person has no respect for my time or energy. "I thought you'd like this because you don't have anything else to do with your life. And now it's settled: I'm smarter than you because I read this book and you didn't. You're welcome."
When I give a book as a gift, this is often what I'm trying to say to the recipient.
Picture books are a bit more passive-aggressive. They're more like, "I don't know if you're smart or patient enough to read a real book, so I'll make it easy for you." On the surface, they’re decent gifts; images are compelling. Give someone an art book—even a shitty one—and nobody can come after you for not being "thoughtful."
I've put together the following list of visual books you might consider gifting to your least favorite family members...
FOR YOUR DISAPPROVING MOTHER:
New York After Dark - by Roger and Mauricio Padilha, Foreword by David Johansen
“Dustin Pittman amassed an archive of 100,000 photographs chronicling the untamed corners of New York City’s after-hours nightlife, from shadowy underground haunts to prestigious galleries and clubs. This ‘wish I was there’ book unveils the vibrant pop culture scene of New York during the 1970s and ’80s.”
FOR THE FATHER WHO ABANDONED YOU:
Final Exit: The Practicalities of Self-Deliverance and Assisted Suicide for the Dying - by Derek Humphry*
“Final Exit describes the ways in which a dying person may consider hastening the end of their life if suffering is unbearable. Laws and ethics are outlined in a straightforward fashion. Drug dosage tables and the latest inert gas technique of 'self-deliverance' are explained, with illustrations.”
*This book comes with illustrations, but it’s not really a picture book. You can DIY if you’ve got a bunch of old photos of yourself from when you were little. Just insert them between the pages. Don’t stick them in too snugly, though—good if they’re kind of loose so that when he turns the book over to read the back cover, all the photos fall out on the floor and he has to kneel down and pick them up. Do not help him.